In October, I had to tell my parents I wasn’t coming home for Christmas.

Kids have the heart of the Kingdom. The Kingdom is Family. Let’s face it–kids are amazing and have the best hearts. They are the most honest, resilient people we get to know and understand; that’s mainly because we used to live it!

At Rancho De Sus Ninos (or The Mission), the main, most important ministry we give our hearts to is anything having to do with the kids. The Mission originally started out as just an orphanage, but it has grown so much in the past three decades. Not only is it an orphanage, but it’s turned into a School of Missions (which I attend), a church on two campuses and a school for grades kindergarten to high school.

One of our main ministries that we have at Rancho is, of course, Kids’ Ministry! This is for all of the kids that attend our school–mainly the younger ones. From Tuesday to Thursday we hold a class for the younger grades and talk about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, as well as what they have done in the Bible. As students of the School of Missions, our responsibility is to not only teach the kids, but also interact with them. They love to play games, sing songs, dance, do crafts, and so much more!

The last time I was a part of children’s ministry was so much fun. I taught a second grade class, with my friend Mafer who helped translate for me, and they kids were always excited and ready to have fun. We told stories about the Bible. Not only that, but we held competitions for the kids and played games with them. They always wanted to compete.

At the end of the month (which is the last couple days of our ministries) we gave out prizes, sang songs and created new games. It’s always fun to see how all of the kids love to be around each other. At the same time, however, it can be a challenge.

I’ll admit it–I’m a child at heart. It’s just a part of me. However, sometimes I have no idea how to interact with kids, especially when they were on the move. Sometimes it seemed like they were five steps ahead of me. But I found out quickly they just love to have fun. So we create fun.

Another special part of this ministry is–typically on the last day of the ministry–we have a special devotionals for the kids. This is what I mean. About four days a week, the Mission as a whole holds devotionals for an hour, which means a half-hour worship and a half-hour message every day. The kids normally leave before the message because the devos can be very complicated or not on the subject that kids are always eager to hear about. 

However, with the kids’ devotional we make it all about the kids. We bring the kids to the front of the stage, and during worship we dance, throw balloons around, and even get the kids to sing in the microphone. Everyone who is part of this ministry jumps on stage to teach the kids the dance.

After worship we play games with the kids on the stage. A few select kids jump on stage to play in competitions, and it’s typically boys vs girls. It’s always fun! Then after the games we perform a skit–based on the theme of what the devotionals is typically about. We have had one about dreams, about who our Superhero is (God, obviously), building your dreams, love languages–the works!

With these themes of skits, we have an overlying theme of something kids will enjoy. We had a superhero theme, which was a ton of fun. We all got to wear capes and masks, and sing about Jesus being our superhero. We have also had an Inside Out theme, so people dressed in different colors and pretended they were the feelings from the movie.

My personal favorite, however, is the LEGO theme we had. If you have been following my stuff on Facebook lately, you may have seen pictures like this.

We literally built a LEGO man and LEGO bricks for our set. For our “skit” we had a LEGO video and described the story of Joseph. It was really an amazing experience. All of my friends and I had so much fun with it. I will be honest, though, it took a lot of work to build everything and get the dances together. Even our outfits and masks took a lot longer than I had hoped for. But everything put together was amazing!

But, yes, this is an amazing experience. I have learned so much about loving on kids through this. Not only that, but I’ve been very thankful to have a great team to work with that teaches me about God and His love for His children every day. Plus if for whatever reason I am on kids’ ministry anywhere again, I know how to do it. Kids’ ministry teaches you how to think and improvise on the spot. Let’s face it–kids can be unpredictable. But it’s great!

Hey guys! Today I want to share with you a little about a ministry my friends and I have started. You may have read about me talking about this in earlier posts, but the new Devocionales La Mision (The Mission Devotionals, for English speakers) is a project I started but so many others have gotten involved with.

This project started in April. Obviously in the middle of the pandemic, I was missing Rancho. I wanted to have the weekly devotionals with my friends, and of course everyone else was saying how much they missed each other.

By the end of April God set on my heart to start this. I didn’t know a lot about what it was like, but I knew that this was important–especially not being close to anyone from The Mission and not knowing how long COVID-19 quarantine was going to last. I probably spent a week or two thinking about the idea before God pressed on me that I should start it.

So I got one of my friends to help me start everything, and it probably took me a couple hours a day to focus and learn how Instagram Live worked, as well as how to work with translators, group video calls and group chats. When I shared with all of my classmates about this, they loved the idea and jumped on it with me.

I am thankful for the diversity of my classmates–how we all work in different parts of life. I had friends that wanted to share in the devotionals themselves, but then there are other people who like to make graphics. Others help me make decisions about the devotionals (times, days, announcements, etc.), and there are many other factors that have led this to becoming a great ministry for our family.

The Instagram account is public, so we have been reaching people outside of Rancho as well. It has been so cool to see that people are liking and watching the videos that we post, and they don’t have to be a part of the School of Missions to see them. We get to share with people who want more and are curious just as to what is on the hearts of students who have immersed themselves in a culture of God.

As this has been happening, I have learned new things. I am not a fan of social media, and sometimes I am not the best with technology. With saying all of this, somehow I am still the one that is designated to help my mom with her technology. I guess most of the time. 

But I’m good at learning. I focused my energy into creating a new way to reach people. I taught myself (with some guidance) how to actually create graphics and posts to share. It’s been a pain in the butt, but I’m learning.

Half of the programming still doesn’t make sense to me. So if for whatever reason you are good at these types of things, help a girl out. I’ve found this experience to be very educating, but my head hurts from how many wires I’ve crossed in my brain.

However, I will probably start creating graphics for this blog. It’s a cool skill to have. Very useful.

My creativity and imagination is great, but this stretches it, too. I’m so thankful for the experience I get from this, and people are continually blessed to be both a part of it and to see what’s happening.

The account itself is in Spanish and English. The videos have a translator. It’s amazing how this is coming together, because when I first heard from God about the devotionals I was overwhelmed by how I was going to be able to pull this off.

But … you know… God. God’s good.

If you would like to look at this account yourself, or would be interested in following it and taking time to listen and read what we have, you can find it on Instagram. The handle is @devocionaleslamision.

This is a great ministry that I hope to take further, and I hope you will take those steps with me.

Hey, everyone! How are you?

During this season with COVID-19, God has been working on me–spirit, soul and body. I have written a lot about several of my processes in previous posts, but now I would like to share more about my future. God has been giving me words, dreams and visions. Specifically, these have to do with the rest of 2020, as well as a little or a lot of 2021.

I want to share this with you. Why? My hope is that you will partner with me in prayer, because this is a lot. If you feel led to give financially or sponsor me with supplies, that’s great, too. My biggest desire, however, is that if there are people here who don’t have ideas for what they want to do with their lives for the future… Well, I desire to inspire you.

As most of you know, I am attending a School of Missions at The Mission. This is Tijuana, Mexico. We work a lot with understanding God’s heart, our identities and how to build community. We also do a lot of outreach and ministry work.

This place has a special home in my heart. It is home. There have been many highs and lows throughout this season, but I have learned so much and come far in my experiences with relying completely on God. Sometimes it was easier than others.

In several points throughout the months of living there, I was completely out of money–but never out of Jesus. When I asked for food, He provided. When I asked for rest, He provided. When I asked for healing (both in the heart and the body), He provided. Even coming back to Pennsylvania and being isolated with God, He provided comfort, learning, perspective, and joy. It’s been so good.

Through this, however, I really fell in love with Rancho. I have been praying, talking with my family and working as best as I can. With pleasure I can say that I believe I am ready to take on a second year with The Mission.

Honestly, I didn’t think I was going to do a second year. Part of me didn’t want to for most of the break during COVID-19. But as I moved throughout this season I have felt a change of heart and mind. I’m excited!

My heart is with Rancho right now–the leadership, the ministries, the kids… all of it. I know that is where my future is for a least another year. Ahead of that we will see what happens.

But this is not the only thing God has set on my heart. I don’t share this with people, but I love to write–specifically creatively. And I’m good at it (when I actually do rough drafts, editing and final copies. I don’t do it with this blog, haha). It has been a long time since I last wrote something creative, but now I feel like I’m being led to do it again–possibly even write a book.

Even just a few years ago I had a dream to become a writer. I used to submit writing on publishing pages, and my stories received tens of thousands of views. Along with that, another account of mine had thousands of followers who continually read what I wrote. God’s calling me to write. It’s exciting!

This in mind, I will keep the details on the downlow. But I would be happy to answer any questions about the book if you have them–including the writing process and such. I never thought I would be a writer until a few years ago. Even then I didn’t think I was any good. But that perspective has changed for sure.

With Rancho and this, it’s going to be a lot of juggle. But I am excited! God has been working on my heart–a lot. But with the work He has put into me, with everything going on and walking in paths of forgiveness, peace and faith, I know good fruit is coming. Everything comes together.

I will ask for you to join me. Of course, I will still be blogging. I am going to write more posts, share more pictures (and maybe even videos) about my life in Mexico. Again, if you feel like sponsoring in any way, shape or form, let me know (my contact information is in the about section of the blog). 

If you do not feel led to give financially (or with physical products), that’s completely fine! Do not feel pressured. If you would like to join in prayer, I know that it is more than sufficient–it is more needed than money, honestly. I have specific prayer requests (or if you want to share prophetic words, I love those so much), so again you can contact me.

To everyone who has been reading this, I also want to thank you. I may not know you, or honestly I may not talk with you a lot. It means a lot to me, however, that you are joining me in my process, and I know I am not the only one going to read or write these words. You are all truly amazing.

With regards,

Julia

A lot of things have been happening. My life has come to this place where, somehow, it is full to the brim while we are still in quarantine. But I am not busy. Rather, I am living life to the fullest I can.

I do not like to tell people I am busy. When I say that, “I’m good, just busy” I feel like that means I am constantly working and serving. Honestly, that’s not the case.

Yes, I have school. Yes, I have been building an online ministry for my classmates through Instagram while we are all separate. But I am not busy. I am living without being too occupied for the things that really matter in my life. I would like to share how I have been living, and also possibly share a little about how God is currently working in my life, which, for me, has been a transformation from how a lot of people have seen me before we all entered quarantine. Honestly, I am proud to say that a lot of people are going to see how God has been changing me into this new identity I have stepped into.

At Rancho, I received this prophetic word from one of the leaders at the Mission about an identity change. Specifically, she went on about the Disney character Maui and his transformation throughout the movie Moana. It was weird hearing that I was like Maui, because I always joke around with my family and with my friends about how much I was like Maui, but I never really meant it. When I got the word, I was thinking that it didn’t apply to me, but Maui was cool so whatever.

Boy, was I wrong.

I have shared my heart with you guys, especially in these last two posts from May. It wasn’t until I was listening to another prophetic word someone gave to me this weekend that I realized the Maui prophetic word was totally straight on. It literally described the whole month of May in one word (that is, “Maui”).

Like I said in the beginning, we have started School of Missions again for its third trimester online. It’s very different, but it still has the great content. There are two books we are currently reading that have been what has been transforming me the most–The Shack and Culture of Honor (which y’all need to read those). At first I didn’t think I was going to get a lot out of it, but it has led me into this new world of understanding God even more and walking in healing processes I didn’t even know I needed.

But reading those books has taught me so much. Like I am so full of life and love from this new identity from these books that it has rubbed off on the atmospheres of the people closest to me (physically and relationally). I have been emboldened by the Holy Spirit Himself because I was willing to make the changes in my life that I needed to.

I can totally share about that more if you have any questions, but I want to continue because there’s a lot. Feel free to email me or message me on social media.

Next thing. In the middle of April God set on my heart to start a type of weekly devotionals on Instagram for the students at the Mission. So many of us were always in the group chat that we have saying that we all missed each other and things like that. However, it wasn’t until the end of April that I actually started–mainly after a good kick in the butt from God. So I set it up. I asked a few of my friends to help me and set them in positions where I knew they would best help me to fulfill this vision that God gave me.

It’s going great! I have so many friends that want to share their hearts in devotionals every week. The revelations shared on Instagram (@devocionaleslamision if you want to check it out) are so powerful. Most of them have hit me personally because they have to do with things that God has been speaking to me about. I love it.

Thirdly, I have been resting. I know I spoke about this in one of my earlier posts, but I am in this learning process of how I should rest. This is something I struggle with, because I always need to be doing something.

But I am learning from resting. There have been many days when I am listening to my body, and I know that I am exhausted. I decided to sleep in, watch Netflix, read and write–and I learned it’s OK! Honestly, I hate not being active and not feeling productive. God has shown me, however, that resting like this is being productive. I am not lazy.

I have taken advantage of that and learned how to rest. It’s a sabbath for me. Since I learned how to do this, I entered this state where I am a lot better about listening to my body and knowing my needs. And I feel so good!

This is the fourth I desire to share in this update. And it’s also the last one I will focus on, but it’s about the soul. We, as humans, are made up of body, soul and spirit. While we talk a lot about our bodies–keeping them healthy and eating right–and our spirits, which is satisfied by worship and the heavenly things, we tend to forget about our soul. The soul is important, but very much neglected due to a lack of knowledge.

How does one fill their soul? By things they love. Do you love to hike? Soul-filling. Do you enjoy eating delicious foods? Spending time with friends? If you think about these things and it makes you smile and you feel good just by the thought of it, those are things that fill your soul.

We are all created uniquely, which means we all fill our souls differently. Honestly, at Rancho, I had no idea what filled my soul–what made me feel so happy. With quarantine, I have taken advantage to find things that fill my soul.

One of those things that I got to fulfill is going to the beach. This is a major soul-filler for me. I feel closest to God when I am there. Not only that, but I love the sounds of the ocean and walking in the sand. Thinking about that just makes me feel so good.

This past week I traveled to Cape May, New Jersey with my family. Our hotel was a one-minute walk to the beach, so I spent as much time as possible out there in the ocean and walking on the sand. This was for hours at a time.

I even came across new friends. I don’t know why there are so many types of crabs, but they are pretty crazy to look at. Something else I got to do was collect seashells. If you have ever spent time with me at the beach before, you probably noticed that some days I can collect so many seashells and honestly would spend the whole time doing that. I love seashells. Whenever I go to the beach, I talk with Holy Spirit and He leads me to some amazing shells. It’s just something we do.

The last night we were at the beach we got to be on the sand until around 9:30 at night. The waves were crazy to watch! And I just soaked in everything I could during the night, and there was almost no one on the beach–maybe five other people. But GOSH it was good.

That is essentially what I wanted to share. I desired to show you what I have been doing, because this will all change very soon. As you probably see in your own lives, quarantine is coming to an end. While life may not be back to normal right away, we are beginning to see stores open and less people becoming sick. 

With this happening, I am officially proud to announce that I will be going back to Mexico by the end of this month–somewhere around the 29th of June. I am so thankful to have this opportunity to serve and to learn more about God, myself and our relationship. Even with this, I am excited to be able to share about how God is moving in Mexico through me and my friends, so I will be happy to share updates about what we are doing in Mexico.

I also want to take a moment to ask that if any of you would consider donating to me or sponsoring me, I would greatly appreciate it. I still have to finish paying for tuition, which is about $975, but alongside that I still need money to pay for groceries, clothing, plane tickets, and also to be able to take opportunities (such as vacation time with my friends) on the available weekends. If this seems like an interest to you, please let me know. I am happy to answer any questions you may have as well!

If you don’t feel comfortable sending money, but would still like to give, I am happily accepting care packages with things like food, board games, movies, clothes, or hygiene products, which would mean not needing to spend as much money. Again if this interests you, please let me know. If you would like more information about what I need/would like specifically, there is a list called “Current Needs” in one of the links above, which you are welcome to take a look at.

I appreciate all of you who are reading this and have been invested in my blog so far. It means so much to me that there are people that have a desire to know what my life has been looking like. I invite you to message me at any point, if you want to talk, share your feelings, or get to know me. I love people, especially those I don’t know personally well. So please message me.

I love you guys!

A few days ago, when I was listening to worship and spending time with God, a question popped into my head out of the blue.

If God wouldn’t fulfill His Promises of having a husband, going back to Rancho, etc., would I be offended, or would I still desire His Presence?

At first, I kind of just ignored the question. Obviously I’d be fine. It’s God–how could I not want to spend time with Him? But then I felt God ask me the question again this morning. If I don’t fulfill My promise to you, would you stop searching for Me?

Oof. That hit differently. At first, I was hurt that God would ask me something like that, but then I remembered that He isn’t offended by me. Rather, He asked me that question to make me think. And it did.

For the past week, I’ve been focusing on my relationship with God simply because I wanted to spend time with Him. I would worship, talk to Him about my day, read my Bible, pray for people, and several other things. I have felt at peace with that, even when I wasn’t getting answers to things I had questions about (which you can read about in my last post).

Honestly, after spending a lot of time with Him, I stopped thinking about whether or not He was going to fulfill the promises or not. But the question still had me convicted.

I decided to think about this more. Here is another question that I asked myself afterward: Is His presence or His promise more important to me? Don’t get me wrong, they are both important, but which would I rather have?

Next, I asked God to put this in a perspective for me that I could understand better. I want to share this with you.

I know we all have had moments like this, especially in romantic relationships or parents relationships with their kids. Have you ever had someone approach you, asking for something from you, and then leaves without ever giving a “thank you?” Or maybe this is a better representation: Someone, like a spouse or a child or a friend, comes to you to ask to spend time with you. Maybe they flatter you a little bit. After maybe, like, five minutes, they ask you for something, and you realize their intentions are only to get something from you.

Thinking about this for me, I know I’ve experienced this a lot in my life. I felt like I was doing so much for people, and yet no one would give me appreciation for some of those things and it was hard. It felt like they were using me, even if that is not their intention.

A lot of the time, we do this with God. We come to Him and we worship Him, and then out of the blue we just ask Him for stuff. Any stuff. Then afterward we do that over and over again, and we don’t actually take the time to appreciate Him.

I know a lot of you already know about this. You have probably heard people talk about that it’s more important to have a relationship with God rather than just desire “things” from Him.

But, you know, sometimes people forget. I know I do. We always sing stuff like, “I just want You” and “I want Your Presence” and “I’m not here for blessings.” And then when we don’t see finances come in, or we don’t see our future spouse, or we don’t visually see God’s work on our promises. We ask questions and we forget to just spend time with Him. In fact, sometimes we get upset.

Here’s something. I am not saying that it’s bad to ask for things. However, things shouldn’t get in front of God. Trust me, I’m someone that has had a lot of experience with this. I’ve realized I actually come to God a lot with things I want, but when it comes down to it I have not spent much time with God just to spend time with Him. He has made this very apparent to me these past few weeks in quarantine, and I am sure I am not the only one.

I have a list in my room that I made at the end of April. The title is “How Can I Be a Better Friend to Jesus?” and for me, I am upset that I feel like I had to write that. However, I have followed the list–not everything on it, but I have been making sure to do at least a few things.

Honestly, at first, it felt like a chore. That hurt too, because spending time with literally the best person in the world shouldn’t be a chore. It should be a desire. So, I’ve asked God to help.

This is what He has done about it for me. Throughout this month my curiosity has been ramped up. I know that curiosity is one of my key personality traits, and it’s gotten me into some pretty dumb run-ins. However, I’ve been able to ask a lot of questions. I have looked at a lot of things and wondered, “Why?” or “How?” And you know what? The answers have all been with Him.

I’ve found some answers to questions. There are many, though, that I haven’t found or still cannot understand. But you know what? It has made me more amazed at how crazy cool God is.

For example, I was re-reading Isaiah 43 where it says “God is doing a new thing.” And maybe my blondeness has been working a little extra, but it also says in the Bible that God never changes. For me, it sounds so paradoxal by human means, but to God it isn’t. Somehow, it works, and that’s God. That blows my mind.

Another way God’s been drawing me near to Him is challenging me to search the Bible for Him. For the past few years, God has been highlighting to me this certain number, but during quarantine God has really made that number more significant in my life. It has frustrated me, which only makes me more curious and hungrier to search for what it means. The number is 43. (I know I just used Isaiah 43, but I don’t know if that’s actually it or not.)

By the way, if the number 43 is significant to you in any way, help me please. 

I have fallen in love with God again. I have become ready and earnest in searching Him out. In Proverbs 25:2 it says that it’s God’s desire to hide things, and it’s a king’s glory to search them out. We are the kings, because Jesus is the “king of kings.” Honestly, we can only find the good juice if we are genuinely seeking Him.

That is a challenge I wish for everyone to try. Just, at least once, ask God to highlight something for you. Maybe it’s a number, or a certain question.

Maybe He gives you a verse and wants you to study the original Greek or Hebrew on it (I’ve done that twice since I have been here). Maybe spending time with Him is as simple as listening to live, spontaneous worship, or telling Him about your day.

Now, here’s something important that I want to add. Asking God for things is not a bad thing. In fact, He encourages it! It is His desire to give us not only our needs but the desires of our hearts as well (read Psalm 37 and Matthew 6:25-32). 

If you couldn’t tell from my last blog post, my love language is gifts. If you don’t know what love languages are, you should look them up. However, to state it briefly, each of us have special ways that we feel loved (in Gary Chapman’s books, he describes it as “ways our love tanks are filled”). I feel loved when I give and receive gifts. It’s also how God reveals His love to me, and that’s how I show my love to Him.

There are some things that I have asked of Him as of recent, and I know they haven’t come true yet. Some of them I am not even sure will happen, but it is me asking, because the worst thing He would say is “no.” He will only say that if He has something better.

Let me share what some of those things are. These a stretch? Some of them, for sure. Just look.

1.I want a car that is good for traveling (like a Jeep or Subaru Forester or Outback) that I can bring with me when I go back to Mexico. While I love walking, it is difficult to walk three miles back and forth from the bus stop just for groceries, especially if I get a lot. It’s also hard to get to the beach (or take any relaxing road trip) when you have to cram a good amount of people into one car or don’t have enough space to bring everyone you want to bring. Just saying.

2. This is probably obvious, but I want to have a husband. I want to have kids–I am so excited to be a mom. I am constantly told and prophesied over that I am going to be a great mom. I am excited to raise my kids for God, and help them in their journeys for falling in love with Him. I am also partial to having Nerf gun fights.

3. I want to see in the supernatural. I hear people talk about seeing angels or crazy weird supernatural creatures around. I know it might be freaky at first, but I would love to see my angels. In fact, while I was in Mexico City, someone told me that I have two angels, and I am going to see them soon. I have no idea when “soon” is, but it is going to happen.

4. Since I was a little kid, I desired to give everything away. People have coined this as “making a living by giving” where you give, so God gives to you and completely provides for you. It has always fascinated me–the financial Kingdom stuff.

5. Drums. I want to learn how to play on a drum set. You can ask my mom–when I was a kid I made my own set out of pots and pans. I have received one prophetic word about this as well. It’s any type of percussion in worship that moves me the most. That is always how it’s been. 

So, yes, receiving things for me is great. However, the love behind the giving is more important. He gives us things because He loves us–like, a lot. Like, sacrificially giving His Son in order for us to receive complete access to God without any blockage lot. If that’s news to you, read the Gospel of John.

I am going to be honest. Sometimes I forget about the love behind the gifts. I just wait for the gift, and disregard how much effort God put into giving me something He knew was perfect for me. I feel horrible just writing that. Regardless, it’s true.

It’s something I repented for. Repented to the point where I have moved so far from that thinking and focused on God.

I still ask Him about stuff. In fact, today, He asked if we wanted to talk about my future husband. We are in the process of making a list of features I desire, deal breakers, and things I will be willing to make a sacrifice in.

And I say it with sadness that, if my husband is not as passionate about Star Wars and Lord of the Rings as I am, I will live with it. However, I still have the liberty to watch the movies, get our kids to love it, and play any LEGO video games that apply to it. Including the original PS2 games.

I’ll just leave that there.

I am not writing this blog post to condemn people or make them change their minds about anything. I am writing this because this is what I feel like God has spoken to me about these past few days. You don’t have to agree with what I say, but I that God is a God of quality time. That’s all.

On Friday, May 8th, my brother got married. Caleb has been my role model since I was a little kid, and I love him with all my heart. His now-wife, Manuela (we call her Manu) is amazing. Absolutely amazing. If you ever get to hear their story told by one of them, you have to listen to it. It’s a God-filled, Disney-sort of love story that fills the soul and most definitely raises high expectations for anyone that is single. What little I am going to share about it does not do justice for how crazy their story is.

Several years ago (I think maybe three), my brother joined the YWAM team in Louisville, Kentucky with a friend. Why he decided to live in Kentucky of all places, I will never know. If you don’t know, they have a YWAM base in Hawaii. Obviously that’s what I would do, but that’s me, so….

Anyway, they met. And when they were traveling together in India, they started to notice feelings for each other and such. But YWAM has these rules where you can’t date, so it was kind of a forbidden love type of thing. Which, you know, that’s the stuff of fairytales and all of that, so cool.

They started dating last year in April when she came to live with my family for the month, and then she went back to her home in Columbia. A few months later my brother proposed to her, and then she came in December to visit for the month. And then things got crazy again.

I wasn’t here for all of what happened. In fact, I was in Mexico, nowhere near Pennsylvania. However, I was quickly informed that Manu got stuck in the United States and wasn’t able to go back home. I was surprised to hear that. The reason for this is because she either had to go back to Columbia, where my brother would not see her another year or few, or they had to get married as soon as possible.

So they shot for April. Then COVID-19 happened, and then they had to postpone their wedding. Meanwhile this awesome girl is stuck with the most chill family ever, with honestly having nothing to do.

Then last week, like on Tuesday, they came to me to let me know they were getting married on Friday. It got crazy super fast for a week to get ready for the wedding, but we accomplished it as a team! And now they are happily married.

I am so blessed by the fact that I have been able to see their relationship build through all of this. In fact, it’s made me change my perspective a lot for my future.

I admire how they have overcome these challenges. Honestly, it’s been a whirlwind for everyone these past few months. But from the beginning of their friendship to the beginning of their marriage, it’s been really hard for them. Even though they have each other, some of the things that they endured over these past two or three years was really hard, and they ended up making a lot of sacrifices.

I’m going to be vulnerable with you. For close to about a year now I’ve been asking a lot of questions and doubting my ability to hear the answers. It’s always because I either didn’t trust myself that I could hear the right answer or I just downright didn’t like the answer I was hearing. And these were answers coming from listening to the Holy Spirit–through numbers, verses, and even through some of most favorite people at the Mission. I just didn’t want to listen because I the answers didn’t align with what I wanted at the moment.

But God’s been sharing something with me. It’s all about perspective. It has taken longer than I wish it has taken, but a lot of the time I forget to look at my situations like God sees it–whether it’s with finances, relationships, or honestly anything in my life. I forgot that even if I can’t see the answer from right where I am, there is always an answer. God has the answer.

I finished reading a book a few weeks ago by Bill Johnson. I didn’t know why I was reading it in the first place, because it only talked about His Goodness. Of course He’s good–I would never doubt that. However, it opened my eyes to remembering a few things. It changed my perspective once again.

I am waiting for a breakthrough in my life. I won’t lie–I keep forgetting to trust in His goodness and remember what He has done in my life. If He has done it once, He will do it again. These past few days, something happened that caused a lot of hurt in me, even though I didn’t realize it until yesterday.

But there was one thing that stuck in my head. That phrase of “And yet, God is good.”

I did not know something that small of a phrase could become so significant in my life. I have never had many issues doubting the goodness of God, but sometimes I struggle with wanting answers or immediate gratification over things that genuinely need time and trust in God. Or I would be confused. Most of the time I’m confused when I look at things from my perspective.

And, you know what? Sometimes it was to the point where it really hurt to trust in His perspective. Two weeks ago, God asked me to give up something that was really special and important to me–something that made me feel seriously loved by someone. It was a gift, and although it may have seemed like something really small, I actually fought with God for two hours over having to give it away because it meant so much to me, and everyone had been telling me before to keep it for myself.

To me, it was an indicator that God was finally fulfilling His promise. But, again, I wasn’t seeing His perspective.

And although I may not always see His perspective, I know that He’s looking at me with that perspective. I know He’s smiling at me from Heaven even though I doubt His timing or question why something is worth persevering for. I know that He answers all of my questions whether I want to hear the answer or not. I know that He keeps His promises, and even if I haven’t seen the answer to all the promises yet, He wouldn’t ever break them.

He’s not a bad Dad, or forgetful. In fact, God is the best Father anyone will ever have.

Sometimes I forget to look back on the promises He has fulfilled. Just last night I walked into my room, and stopped and just stared at it. Up until about two years ago I had to share a room always either with my older or younger sister. I hated it. And I don’t hate a lot–trust me. Ever since I was a little kid I prayed for Jesus to provide me with a really cool bedroom that would be mine and mine alone.

If y’all haven’t seen my room, it’s amazing. And I don’t have to share it with anyone.

I worked at Tropical Smoothie Cafe for an entire year. Once I left, I really missed smoothies. Now there are two blenders in my house, after asking for two years.

I asked for a dog for over ten years. Two years ago, my sister brought a dog home after my grandma’s funeral, and it’s been one of my best friends ever since.

I asked God to send me on an adventure without having to be around any of my family–just for the experience and all. Then I came to the Mission to live in Mexico without my family. In fact, I was over 2,000 miles away from them.

His name is Jehovah-Jireh–the Lord who will provide. This week I asked Him to remind me of the promises He has fulfilled–no matter how stupidly small they may seem. He’s helped a lot to remind me.

I’m sorry that this post seems completely scattered from beginning to end, but let me end by saying this. He never forgets His promises. You might. I know I have. But He never will. It may take perseverance and patience with some promises–just like with Manu and Caleb–but if you see it from His perspective, it’s always worth whatever it costs.

There is always so much that I want to share about, even with quarantine happening. So many things have taken place in my house–whether they are funny or total God moments, or even things that I think that you all would enjoy and try for yourselves. And while thinking about what to write for you guys this week, I decided I wanted to share about God’s goodness once again.

As many of you know, I live in Pennsylvania. However, I have a grandfather that lives in New York by himself with his dog Abbie (my dog’s sister). My mom and our family have been concerned about him, because he was very difficult to get ahold of my grandpa because he didn’t know how to use his phone, and it turned out that he was having serious sciatic nerve pain.

Last Thursday, around eight in the morning after I had finished working out and showering, I found out that my mom was going to go and drive seven hours to be with my grandpa for a few days. I decided, impromptu, to join her on this adventure. It wasn’t like I had anything better to do.

And so we drove seven hours to Jamestown, New York, and we got to visit Grandpa. He was doing better, but needed help to take care of his house and running errands since it wasn’t necessarily safe for him to be out in public. So, of course, we helped him with those things. We organized his house, shopped for groceries and new house appliances (of course we wore gloves and masks)–the works.

Friday comes. And, of course, it’s the end of April. We are supposed to be in spring, but God did something cool instead. It snowed like crazy.

For those of you who did not know, I did not have Christmas with my family in Pennsylvania. Instead I was in Mexico City with my friends. During that time, although I had so much fun, one thing I was sad that I did not get to see was snow. I love snow. I love building snowmen, having snowball fights, ice skating, and hiking in the snow. With this snow that came to New York–which, I promise, never happens this late in April–I was elated. 

I made me feel so happy, and I had so much peace with the snow. I went on a two-hour walk with my mom, and the snow was gorgeous and fun to walk in. After that, my mom and I threw snowballs at the window to get my grandpa’s attention. It was so funny. He was really confused with where the sound was coming from.

And, of course, I was so excited, that I built of snowman. It was as tall as me by the time I finished it. And then it fell over. And then I rebuilt it. Afterward, I made brownies. I was so filled with excitement and energy that I had to do something. 

Now I am back in Pennsylvania. I have so many pictures from these moments that I get to look back on and cherish. During this quarantine, I am thankful to have been given this opportunity to enjoy something like this in the midst of what to many people is stressful or lonely. But having snow was another reminder is that I am not alone, and that I never really need to be bored because God is with me, and Holy Spirit is with me, and Jesus is with me because they are fun. And that is something I truly value.

A few weeks ago, School of Missions ended the current trimester early due to COVID-19. As a result, I have come back to Pennsylvania to be with my family and to rest on vacations. I know that this virus has affected each of us in different ways, whether it’s due to the house isolation or the virus itself, but this is how it has currently touched me.

When I first arrived home, Holy Spirit said several things. First, He said to take a nap. I happily obliged, because I had just finished traveling 24 hours straight due to car travel and layovers in airports. After I woke up, Holy Spirit highlighted three words to me: preparation, forgiveness, and rest.

Preparation. As of now, the final trimester begins at the beginning of May. Unless the date changes, that means I have about a month left to be prepared for next trimester. There are several things I want to do before I go back.

First, I am creating good habits–these include exercising and creating a schedule that I can stick to when I go back to Rancho. This includes weekly chores. Second, I have been working to make money. It’s a slow process because I can’t leave the house, but my family has granted me many opportunities to make money. I am very thankful for them.

Third, I have a big to-do list that I have been working on. Honestly, it has saved me from a lot of boredom and from sitting in front of a computer and/or the television all day. The list has to do with completing and organizing my items, getting a new phone (I had previously lost mine in Mexico) and practicing Spanish.

Forgiveness. Before I left to Rancho last August, there were several people I had unresolved issues with. I thought that by the time I arrived to Mexico that I had forgiven them. But I believe that little by little God has been revealing to me that I had not fully forgiven some of the people. Others I had.

In the months leading up to March, I did have bitterness in my heart, and I realized that it was soon affecting some of my relationships with the people at Rancho. In fact, I did not want to be open and vulnerable with anyone. It was a struggle to tear those walls down. But God showed me (especially in these past few weeks) how to forgive each person individually, and also how to forgive myself for things I did that I really regretted doing in the past. 

This forgiveness has helped me to share mercy, and has lifted a lot of weight that had been on my shoulders. I am grateful to God, and for my friends, who have helped me to reshape my identity into someone more powerful than I was previously. 

Rest. I struggle with this a lot. I’m not even going to try to get out of it. I have always thought rest was something that was boring. For me, it’s easier to have something constantly going on. I continually had to have some type of objective. My mind runs all over the place.

When Holy Spirit told me to rest, I dug deeper to see how I could rest. One thing He said to do was fill my soul box. This saying is very common at The Mission. It means to find the things that fill our soul–make us happy. For me, I had to learn that step-by-step. I needed to learn what made me happy, because for a very long time I just did the thing that made others happy.

Since I have been home, there are several things I have found that fill my soul box. These include playing board games (and video games), cooking, baking, drawing, writing, and–unexpectedly–going through old memories. As I have been cleaning out my room to thoroughly organize, I found multiple boxes of my old drawings, birthday cards, stories I wrote when I was a kid, and lots of stuffed animals that caused old memories to flood back.

Another way I have been finding old memories is through starting a new tradition with me and my siblings. Saturday Morning Cartoons. When I was younger, my family would always watch the Boomerang Channel with Scooby-Doo, the Jetsons, Tom and Jerry, and more, and then we had many other shows we would watch.

I decided to start doing that again. I made a list of all the cartoons we have access to on Amazon Prime, Netflix, and Disney+, and I wake up to make a fun breakfast for everyone (along with coffee, of course), and then we take an hour or so watching cartoons. That fills my soul so much.

Of course, I know that this virus is a struggle for a lot of us, but I want to take a moment and encourage you. There are good things coming out of this. This virus is something we have authority over, and we should take advantage of that. We should also take advantage of being home–whether alone or with family–and resting.

When was the last time you just did nothing? When was the last time you played a board game with your family? I encourage you–if you have the opportunity, take it!

Also, this is the perfect opportunity for you to take to spend time with God. Go to the secret place and just soak in his presence. If you can, get outdoors and listen to nature. Treat yourself well, because there are opportunities to be with Papa God during this time. It’s hard to make excuses to not spend time with God when you literally have nothing to do. Take time. Pray with Him, and just love Him and let Him love you in those little moments.

Until quarantine is over, my goal is to continue writing. I don’t necessarily know about what just yet, but I do want to express in writing the things I have been hearing. I also want to share ways to stay away from boredom, and maybe stories of how interesting things are getting by being surrounded by family constantly.

Shalom–peace be with every one of you during this time. And I encourage you–if you need prayer for anything, I am here, and so are many others. Speak up.

God works in the supernatural, and He gets to work through us all of the time when we step out of our comfort zones and listen to Him. When we walk in obedience, that’s where God moves–as you have probably heard before. And this past Sunday, I got be a part of this experience.

A small group of people from the School of Missions got an opportunity to go to a church that is in Tijuana, Mexico. It’s actually the home church of one of the students. In this time, we were going to be doing prophetic ministry during the church service. This is how it worked:

As we have done before, there is a designated room that our group sits in for the entire service, or part of the service depending on what team you are on. If you are an English speaker, you get a translator with you, but you typically sit by yourself in a part of the room with a chair or two in front of you. Then people come and sit with you, where you pray for them and give them prophetic words. 

I was sitting with my friend Simon, who was my translator so I could share my prophetic words in proper English and not focus on trying to explain it in Spanish. During the whole time in the room, I had this pain in my shoulder, and I asked Holy Spirit if it was a word of knowledge, and He said yes. When we ask people about healing, we ask them how bad there pain is on a scale from one to ten. For me the pain was around a five or a six–it hurt kind of bad.

(If you don’t know what a world of knowledge is, it is when God gives us a picture, feeling, or something along those lines that describe another person. It isn’t a prophetic word, which is when God gives you a word to edify, console and exhort. Thanks Rancho.)

So we tried to ask people if they had shoulder pain or something like that, but none of them did. After we were done in the prophetic room, our leader Karina Rocha had some of us go up on stage to give prophetic words. So when I was up on stage waiting for my turn, I asked God for a name. He gave me the name Manuel.

And I have no idea why, but I was kind of like, “Eh… Okay, just highlight a person to me.” He did, but then I didn’t hear a word. So then I said, “Ah, well. I’ll just go with the word of knowledge I got earlier–the shoulder pain.” So when the microphone was given to me, I asked if anyone had pain in their shoulder.

I kid you not, the person that raised their hand was the guy highlighted to me just before that. It blew my mind. Like, whoa. I actually heard from the Holy Spirit. It gets crazier. I went over to the guy to pray for him, and as a formality I asked for his name. It was Manuel! And when I asked about the pain level, he said it was at a six.

Literally every word of knowledge I got from that hour was correct, and it was all one person. Even as I’m writing this, I’m still so amazed by that. But it’s not the best part.

I placed my hand on the guy’s shoulder, and I prayed for him. Y’know, declaring that the kingdom of Heaven was at hand and all of that stuff we learn from school. And when I finished praying, I was about to ask the guy how he was feeling, and he was crying. I asked him if he was okay, and he told me at that instant all the pain had left. He checked his shoulder, and nodded, and said again that it was totally gone. 

I prayed again one more time–just in case. But I also added a loosening of peace and joy in his life. It was so cool for me to see this happen to another person. God really does heal.

These past few months have gone by pretty quick, but they are not without their lessons. Well, not necessarily lessons, but God has definitely been showing me areas where I thought I was “sufficient” and it turns out I wasn’t. One of those areas was trusting He’d take care of me. Like, trusting Him.

One of the leaders here–we call him Papa Ken–talks a lot about this through using the phrase “Hakuna Matata.” He reminds me and my classmates that we really don’t need to worry–that we are supposed to live free from that. And it’s easier said than done, as we have all experienced at least once in our lives.

But every time he highlights that, or talks about it, something stirs inside of me. It’s like it’s important or something. And it turns out, it is.

One of my spiritual gifts is faith. Like, faith in God and all of that fun stuff. It’s easy for me to rely on Him, and I’ve been like that ever since I was a kid. I only realized recently that sometimes, especially with the important things in my life, I don’t put all of my trust in Him. 

For the last few weeks, I have been really stressing out about several things, especially with finances. I realized that was something I really have not been giving to God. I was anxious about not having enough money to get groceries that week, and also things about my finances for tuition, and… you know, fun stuff. 

Do you wanna know what I did? I started praying about it, giving it to God. I went to an area where no one was, and I literally yelled, “Papa, help! I literally can’t even anymore! If you wanted me here in Mexico, help me!”

I’m pretty sure He laughed–you know, how all good parents do before they help.

I kid you not–two hours later, I was working in the coffee shop we have at Rancho, and I got enough tips to last for two weeks worth of groceries. We never have that many tips.

And you know what else I’ve noticed. Every time I am out of food, or I am hungry, somehow food randomly appears for me. Like, sometimes I ask for it, but other times people randomly give me food, or the exact thing that I was craving that day.

In fact, in February, there was one day where I was just down. I was exhausted, and I was missing one of my close friends from last trimester of school that decided not to return to school. And a classmate walked up to me (I was outside in front of the Mission building). I was not in the mood to talk, so I kind of tried to ignore him, when all of the sudden he dropped a Chik-Fil-A bag on my lap. He freaking gave me Chik-Fil-A for free.

Not gonna lie, I did cry as soon as he left.

That’s actually the moment I remembered that God knows my needs, and He does hear me when I talk to Him, and He replies. Not to mention He is the perfect gift-giver.

There have been several verses He has also highlighted to me these past few weeks. These include Proverbs 3:5-6, which says, “Trust in the LORD with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, submit to Him, and He will lead you on straight paths.”

And also Matthew 6:25-37, where Jesus teaches, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass, which is here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, will he not much more clothe you–you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans runs after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.”

So, hakuna matata. And, yes, trust is still something I am working on, especially in places like community, but I realized that I can give my needs to God, and He provides for it all. I really can live a worry-free life, and so can you.